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I was 20 when one of my best friends told me I saved his life when we were kids.
My initial response was along the lines of “WTF are you talking about? All we did was play Nintendo…”**
When you’re young, you don’t pick up on some things. You don’t have the life experience to see outside your own bubble. (Some people never develop this but that’s another rant for another day…)
Coming from a stable home, I took it for granted. Didn’t everyone have that?
Well, my friend didn’t. His parents weren’t on good terms at any point in his life. Add in some mental health issues, it wasn’t uncommon for him to come to find all his belongings thrown out on the lawn…because his room wasn’t clean enough. Bizarre overreactions were the norm for him.
But he never spoke about it. And I never thought to ask.
In retrospect, I guess it was odd he was a fixture at our house but I can count the number of times I went to his on one hand.
Getting to the point: my house was a safe space. His was not.
Safe spaces aren’t things I talk about much on social. One crowd touts ‘empathy’ to the point where it’s borderline hollow clickbait. The other feels it’s all a bunch of pandering to people’s sensitivities.
But I look at things pragmatically. And as an avid member of Team Remote, I weigh two things:
👉How do you separate work life from home life when they’re done in the space place? Especially if one of those things kinda sucks?
👉How do you expect any team member to do their best work if they’re carrying that extra baggage?
If I could go back in time, I guess I wouldn’t have done anything different. My friend escaped his home-hellscape and lives a fulfilling life. I was there for him, even though I didn’t realize it.
But I do try to remember to ask people how they’re doing. And listen to what they have to say.
Which is probably the first (and most important step) in being there for your team when they need you.
**It was a Sega, not a Nintendo, but I worried no one in 2022 has any idea what that is…
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